I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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