This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
