All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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