you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
