my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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