also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
