The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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