does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
