I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
