you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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