Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
