dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
