No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Is it because I queefed?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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