Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
