you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
