Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
