i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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