My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
