i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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