go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
