please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
