You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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