oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
