You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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