don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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