She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize