THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
