So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
