i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
