dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I touched a dick in church today
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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