just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
