but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
