No awkward lesbian experiences without me
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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