Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
