i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Houston, we have a squirter
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
