How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
