Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
