why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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