i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
