He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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