remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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