I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
