some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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