I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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