I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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