He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
