After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize