Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize