The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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