She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
