come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
