That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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