Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
