I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize