What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We are two peas in an std pod
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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