so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
