Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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