My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
