Who did Billy Mays play for?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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