All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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