Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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