Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
