I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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