Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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