When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
