he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize