my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
