What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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