Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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