brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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