Duck Duck Cougar?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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