I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Congratulations! We have a period
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